~ October Arrives ~

 Hello Friends & Folk ~

...and a very merry October to us all!!

 

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All year long,
I await it's arrival, 
this month of merriment and mayhem and mirth!

yes, October is 'home' to Hallowe'en ~ 
but it is also a door that is now ajar to an other-worldly place

...somewhere between Summer and Winter where the days are shorter 
and mornings are now more crisp 
like these first few fallen leaves 
scattered along my woodland path.

October just 'does' it for me.

the colors.

the wind.

the scents.

the longing for old ways and old friends.

~ memories of lost family members and times gone-by. 

 

 Living on this old farm, in this old farmhouse for the past 23 Octobers 
has taught me many valuable lessons that I never knew I needed to learn.
Slowing down, living purposefully and being present have been the top three ~ 

but lessons like;
 living within your harvest, 
using old things that are still good things,
making home cooked meals from home grown food,

and creating....something. Anything. Everyday....

and treating myself kinder and gentler,
those are the gifts that living here have taught me well.

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~ Seasons Change for Reasons ~
...and nothing ever stays the same.
This August, I celebrated 4 full years of sobriety.
for too many years I selfishly numbed myself of
resurfacing memories from childhood and young adulthood.
~ there was abuse from many outside forms, 
that a child couldn't understand or deal with, or have to.

Using alcohol and anxiety medication left me empty,  and in turn,
left my family hurt from the pain I was unintentionally inflicting in them 
while my struggling soul was lost in artificial 'happiness'.
 

I was spiritually missing when they needed me.

The death of my mother in '24 was the worst.

it truly broke me.
my heart shattered and my mind raced with anxiety.

I felt more alone, lost, angry, hurt and sad than I can ever remember feeling.
Again I became the mad, angry 'person' that I was trying so hard to not be. 

I was truly a mess, but I didn't turn to anything fake for help...

I turned to my family,to those I've hurt... asking for for help and understanding,
 and I've been blessed with forgiveness, deep love and kindness from them as their gift in return.

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I am healing now.
slowly, 
surely I am changing.

I am creating more than I ever have, 
in old and new mediums ~

I'm learning new things about myself, 
about who I was, 
who I am 
and who I want to be.

I'm loving myself more.
and I'm letting go of everything that was keeping my soul angry, hardened and scared.

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I went for a walk this morning in our deep woods...
it was 56º and the sun was warm
And for the very first time in my adult life I felt such a sense of clarity ~

like the endless clear blue sky of a bright new October morning, 

so ripe and full,
like golden apples filled with new possibilities.

 

Blessings from the Farm
 ~ Lori